How to Heal From Friendship Breakups

*Article contains spoilers from the show Girlfriends*

The 2000s sitcom Girlfriends centers around four women, Lynn, Maya, Toni and Joan who bond over their lives in Los Angeles. Lynn struggles to find stability while Maya balances marriage and motherhood, and best friends Toni and Joan try to maintain their rocky relationship. We learned a lot about what not to do from the show, but mainly it reminded us of how necessary it is to let go of friendships that no longer serve us.

Moving on from people we once cared about (or still do) is easier said than done. Sometimes the shift is simple, but other times it can result in a myriad of unpleasant feelings like grief, heartache, and anger. 

Remember the episode when Joan left the night before Toni’s wedding to see her boyfriend? Toni ended their friendship by cutting up Joan’s bridesmaid dress. Then she forgave Joan and wanted her to wear the dress, forgetting that she had destroyed it. 

Throughout the seasons, the women shared many similar moments deciding to save their decade-long sisterhood each time. For many of us, Girlfriends is relatable  (though we don’t know if we’d go so far as cutting up a bridesmaid’s dress). Change is unsettling, but we can’t avoid endings forever. Every now and then, we have to break up with our friend(s).

If you recently ended things with your bestie(s), here’s a few tips to help you move forward: 

Tip 1 - Spend time alone

Now, this may seem contrary to what you’re feeling. Being alone is probably the last thing you want right now. Chances are you spent a lot of time with this friend whose absence has left you lonely. That’s precisely why reconnecting with yourself can be a positive solution. Instead of occupying the days by reminiscing about what once was, devote time to yourself. 

Get dressed up for a solo date. Go shopping. Try a new restaurant. Binge your favorite show. Remind yourself that you have fun on your own.

Tip 2 - Talk about it (or don’t) 

Cliché, yes. Everyone tells you to talk about it. But let’s be honest, venting will lift a weight off your shoulders. If you don’t want to talk about it, write it down. Whichever you choose, do it until you feel relieved. 

Tip 3 - Buy something

Retail therapy is real. Go run it up in Sephora or wherever you love to shop. Purchase something that makes you feel good. 

Tip 4 - Meet new people

In the pandemic, things are ever-changing, so this is a tough one. Try joining a class like fitness, painting, or any other activity. Finding a group that enjoys the same pastimes as you is a great way to make connections and possibly a new friend. There are virtual ways to meet people too. Whatever works for you. 

Tip 5 - Ignore gossip

Feeding into gossip is a sure way to keep someone on your mind. That’s the opposite of what you’re trying to accomplish. If people come to you with stories about your old friend or even tell you that they’re talking about you, set a boundary. Frankly, you have too much going on to get caught up in a petty game of he-said, she-said. 

There’s no quick fix for any breakup. Nobody can tell you just what will ease your mind. Know that healing is a process, but eventually, the grief you feel will subside. Don’t let it consume you. By focusing on your needs and making space for new relationships, you can continue moving towards acceptance. Eventually, you’ll find yourself enjoying the things you once couldn’t imagine doing without your friend by your side.