Talking vs. Dating

I first heard the phrase “talking stage” when I started high school. My friends used the term as slang to describe the period before unofficially dating someone (yes, it literally means getting to know someone). The stage has become a formal part of the modern dating process, but social media users are growing tired of it. '

The same tweet -- written by different accounts, crosses my timeline weekly, “How [the f*ck] do people make it past the talking stage?” It’s clear that many of us are no longer willing to accept the bare minimum experience of “talking.” We are yearning to be pursued and craving deeper connections. 

According to dating expert Nora Dekyser, couples experience a number of stages before making things official. Dating once indicated something more formal than it does now, and consisted of actions like expressing interest and discussing what you’re seeking from a partner. This approach is not obsolete, but in the age of social media we’re beginning to lose touch with the idea of building relationships.

People want to feel wanted. We deserve for the people we’re interested in to make an effort to show us it’s mutual. Reciprocity is key. Don’t think of pursuit as a game of cat and mouse; that’s outdated. Let’s be honest, dating without pursuit is just plain-old boring. Plus, it’s necessary to get to know people by taking them out instead of talking on the phone or over social media. Excitement and spontaneity are crucial in these formational stages of a relationship. Even if a relationship isn’t our end goal, texting someone “wyd” all day long is not getting to know them, and it gets boring, fast. 

There’s potential for a huge fallout when people don’t express their intentions. Maybe we’re looking for a relationship or possibly, we just want to hookup. Either way, it’s essential to be straight-forward. This saves all of us time, energy and effort. It’s unkind to string someone along when we know we don’t have the same intentions for them as they do for us. Expressing what we need and desire allows us to find potential partners who are aligned with what we envision for ourselves.

For Millenials and Gen Z, the talking stage is definitely here to stay. As dating changes, an increased number of people may have greater difficulty finding partners that align with their chosen dating style. Despite the potential twists and turns of romance, pursuit and intention will always get you somewhere. Hopefully, in the coming post-pandemic world, some of us can finally come out of the talking stage on top.